And God I can see how much I loved him, just in the way I wrote to him, and about him.
You left me. I didn’t need just a friend, I needed you. You left like everyone else. To think I believed it would be different because we shared the same fears.
because I felt I needed to be punished.
Now I do it to feel beautiful.
In case you find this (or incase you have already found it and one day check up on this again) I am doing fine without you. Don’t think that because Im self harming or wishing that I could call you to help convince me to stop, means that I’m not fine. I never really wanted to stop anyway.
I miss having someone believe that i was worth more than that. I couldn’t self harm for weeks because you truly made me believe it.
But all good things end. I asked for a chance, and I got one.
I made it through 12 years of abuse with no support, everyday life will be no harder to get through.